


cars don't talk back

by asideofourown



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Don't copy to another site, First Kiss, Fluff, Jealous Aziraphale (Good Omens), Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 02:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20556764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asideofourown/pseuds/asideofourown
Summary: Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up.  “Jealous?” he repeated incredulously.  “Of what?”His barber shrugged slightly.  “That he seems to have more time for his car than for you?” he suggested.Aziraphale made an indignant sound.  “I’m not jealous of Crowley’s car,” he said firmly.  “That’s ridiculous.  It’s just that he spends so much time out driving, so much that he never has time for lunch with me anymore, and he defends it like a dedicated guard dog, and he lavishes it with affection like I’ve never seen him treatanyone, and— oh, good lord."[Aziraphale isn’t jealous of Crowley’s Bentley, really.  Because that would beridiculous.]





	cars don't talk back

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Written initially for the Ineffable Husbands Week for the prompt "drive/trip/destination", although there's less driving than planned. I suppose the fic itself could be a trip :')
> 
> Title, of course, from Queen's [_I'm in Love with My Car_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaEM4JYFPfw)
> 
> Enjoy!

Aziraphale had rather hoped that his relationship with Crowley might change after the averted apocalypse.

Not that there was anything wrong with their relationship, not at all— Crowley was Aziraphale’s best friend and closest confidante, and he valued the demon’s companionship more than anything.It was just, well… Aziraphale had hoped that they might become _more_ to each other.After all, Aziraphale would have to be blind and deaf not to know that Crowley was in love with him, and he had known for decades that he felt the same way, and now that Heaven and Hell were off their backs and they had no reason to worry or hide…

It was probably at least a little Aziraphale’s fault, in all honesty.He _had_, to be fair, kind of given Crowley the impression in the 1960s that their relationship was moving too fast for him.He _had_ refused to run off with Crowley to the stars.He _had_ insisted that they weren’t even friends, weren’t even anything.Perhaps Crowley had taken that a bit too much to heart.

Aziraphale sighed deeply, setting his book down in his lap with a small frown.He was alone in the bookshop, which was still closed despite it being close to one in the afternoon, but the busy sounds of Soho filtered in along with shafts of sunlight through his mostly closed blinds.

Aziraphale ran his thumb over the rough paper of the page he had been reading and then reached over and picked up his telephone.He dialed Crowley’s phone number and listened to it ring a few times before the answering machine picked up.

Aziraphale hung up without leaving a message and thought for a moment before carefully dialing Crowley’s mobile.This time, Crowley picked up on the second ring with a surprisingly cheerful, “Hello, angel!”

“Good afternoon, my dear,” Aziraphale said, and suddenly felt a bit awkward.He cleared his throat.“Ah, I was calling to ask if you were interested in a late lunch with me?Maybe a walk in the park?”

“I’m out of the area right now,” Crowley replied.

Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up.“Oh, er, is Hell still sending you work?” he said after a moment.

Crowley chuckled.“Nah.Just taking my darling for a spin.”

Aziraphale blinked in surprise.Darling?It was not at all like Crowley to speak that affectionately of _anyone_.But who in the world could ‘darling’ be?Aziraphale would know if Crowley was seeing someone, not that the demon was exactly in the habit of dating humans.Oh, but in the bar just before the apocalypse, Crowley had drunkenly lamented losing his best friend.At the time, Aziraphale had assumed that _he_ was the best friend, but if he had been wrong— if Crowley had meant someone else, someone who had presumably been restored when Adam had reset reality— well, it wasn’t as though they lived in each other’s pockets, they both had more friends and acquaintances than just each other—

Aziraphale realized he had been silent for too long, but only managed to make a humming noise that he hoped conveyed interest rather than bafflement.Crowley, damn him, saw right through it.

“My car, angel,” he clarified, and there was a laugh in his voice.“I’m about in Brighton right now, not planning to be back in London until tonight.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale breathed, suddenly feeling very foolish.And, yes, now that he was paying attention, the only sound in the background of Crowley’s call was the faint blaring of his bebop and the occasional honk of a car horn.

Crowley made several hesitant sounds that didn’t come across quite as words, and then added, “If you like, I could pick you up for dinner later.”

Aziraphale suddenly felt guilty, guilty for bugging Crowley and interrupting him and generally being a nuisance.“No, my dear, that’s quite alright,” he said jovially.“Don’t trouble yourself.Have a nice afternoon out, we have plenty of days left in our lives to get lunch some other time.”

“...Right,” Crowley said after a long pause.“Well.Ngk.I’ll, uh.See you around?I’m almost at where I’m going.”

“Of course, of course,” Aziraphale said very quickly.“Goodbye, dear.”

“Yup,” Crowley said, and then the line went dead.

Aziraphale sighed softly and hung up his telephone before returning to his book.It was quite alright, of course it was.He would be able to see Crowley later in the week— he didn’t want to be too clingy, of course, didn’t want to bother Crowley too soon.What was a few days in the face of thousands of years?

Except.

Except that it kept happening.Aziraphale called three times in the next week to invite Crowley out, and each time he was out driving along the coast (“The South Downs are lovely this time of year, angel, I'd love to show you sometime!”) and wouldn’t be back in London until late.

Much as he hated to admit it, Aziraphale was getting a little frustrated, but when he was able to meet Crowley for a late lunch after the fourth time he called, he tried his best to hide his vexation.He was mostly successful, probably— Crowley acted just as he always did, and they filled their time together with pleasant, rambling conversation.He thought he caught Crowley give him a worried glance or two from behind his dark glasses, but the demon never said anything, so Aziraphale was happy to sulk in silence.

Not that he was sulking.Because that would be silly.

Finally, as they left the restaurant, Crowley cleared his throat and said, “Alright, angel?You seem a little off today.”

“I’m perfectly fine, my dear boy,” Aziraphale said quickly, folding his hands behind himself.

Crowley gave him a sideways glance, and Aziraphale could just see his eyes narrow.“Oh, yeah?You didn’t finish your chicken.”

Aziraphale hemmed and hawed, letting Crowley get the door for him.“Yes, well, it wasn’t quite up to snuff today,” he said after a moment, squinting at the bright sunlight outside.

Crowley squinted suspiciously.“Now I know something’s up, you never—“ he started, and then stopped walking so abruptly that Aziraphale almost bumped into him.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale huffed, steadying himself by catching the demon’s shoulder.“Whatever are you doing?”

Crowley didn’t answer, he just stalked forward, his hands curling into fists.And then Aziraphale noticed the human hovering nervously around Crowley’s Bentley, wringing his hands.

“Oi,” Crowley snapped as he got closer, Aziraphale hurrying behind.

“Is this your car?” the human said, biting his lip.

Crowley’s lips twisted into a scowl.“Yup.Why?”

The human swallowed, taking in Crowley’s irate expression.“Listen, mate, it was an accident,” he started.“Didn’t mean to, I promise I’ll pay for the damage, but I kind of dinged your car pulling into the spot one over, and—"

Crowley ignored him, shoving past him to glare at his car’s door.Sure enough, when Aziraphale poked his head around, there was a scratch and some missing paint on one of the driver’s side door.In typical fashion, of course, Crowley had parked three quarters in one space and one quarter in the next, effectively hogging two spaces.And the human’s car was one of those new small ones, and did _mostly_ fit into the space, but.But.Crowley wouldn’t care, not if his beloved car was damaged.

“You _bassstard_,“ Crowley hissed, lips thin.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said firmly, catching his arm.Hopefully he could stop Crowley from doing anything _too_ dramatic—

Crowley spun on his heel to face the human and snarled, “I curse you and all your offspring to a lifetime of stepping on Legos!”

The human gave him a perplexed, vaguely insulted look.“Um?”

Aziraphale blinked.He wasn’t quite sure what a Lego was, but knowing Crowley it was something vaguely irritating but not lethal.“May you be wearing shoes when you encounter Legos,” Aziraphale blessed in response, and then sent a little angelic encouragement in the human’s direction, just to get him out of there.

When he turned back Crowley was practically _caressing_ his car, running his fingers gently over the paint job.Where he touched the paint fixed itself, and Aziraphale noticed a little shiver of demonic energy run down his spine as the car suddenly found itself much shinier than it had been before.“There, there,” he thought he heard Crowley murmured.

Aziraphale huffed, and walked around the car to get in the passenger’s seat.

Nearly an entire minute later, Crowley got in after him.“Bloody humans,” he grumbled, starting the car and pulling out of his parking spots.“Save the world, and how am I repaid?They scratch up my paint job?”He swerved around a pedestrian, a narrower miss than usual.

Aziraphale scrambled to grab the handhold for dear life and snapped, “Stop whinging about your paint job and watch the road!”

Crowley pouted mockingly, but didn’t have any more near misses.

Their pleasant afternoon interrupted, both Crowley and Aziraphale were in a bit of a _mood_ by the time they reached the bookshop.“Thank you for the lift,” Aziraphale said a bit stiffly as he got out, absently smoothing down his waistcoat.

“Yup,” Crowley said.He got out as well, leaning against the car and resting his arms on top.He raised an eyebrow, just visible above his sunglasses.“Got anything on for the afternoon?”

“Had a new shipment in earlier in the week, I need to reorganize my stocks,” Aziraphale replied, already turning to head across the street and back to his bookshop.“Have a nice day, Crowley.”

“Huh?” he thought he heard Crowley said, but Aziraphale was already halfway across the street.As he was unlocking his shop door he heard a car door slam, and glanced over his shoulder just in time to see the Bentley peel away.

Aziraphale frowned, shuffling into his shop and pulling the door closed behind himself with a little more force than necessary.He shrugged his coat off and hung it on the coatrack before grabbing a box of books to stock from next to the door.

Aziraphale added the new books he had received to his collection, carefully recording the details of each in his ledgers before finding them the perfect place amongst his other books, but even that familiar action didn’t soothe him.He was still stewing when he finished, more irritable than any angel should have the right to be as he mulled over the afternoon.Over the recent lack of Crowley, over the way the demon had been gazing lovingly at his bloody _car_ instead of—

Aziraphale stopped in front of a small mirror nailed to one of the walls of his shop, a dusty small thing he had had put in sometime in the late 1910s and had then forgotten about.“Aziraphale,” he said firmly, staring his reflection down.“You are being ridiculous, you must stop at once.”His reflection, of course, didn’t reply.

Aziraphale sighed deeply, ran one hand over his face.After another long moment he ducked around a bookshelf and grabbed his telephone, calling his usual barber to inquire whether they could fit him in that afternoon.Miraculously, there was enough of a gap in the schedule if he could come within the hour.

Aziraphale took just a few moments to gather himself and shove down his silly irritation before heading out.Clearly he didn’t do a good enough job, because even as he slid into the barber’s chair he could feel a frown tugging at his lips.

“Alright, Mr. Fell?” his barber, Noah, asked even as he swung a cape around Aziraphale’s shoulders.He was on the other side of middle aged, and reminded Aziraphale in flashes of the original.Aziraphale had been coming to him for decades.

He nodded absently.“Yes, of course,” he said.Noah hummed, a nonjudgmental sounds that somehow conveyed both sympathy and disbelief.

Aziraphale huffed.“Fine,” he said.“It’s only, you know Crowley?”Noah nodded, making eye contact with Aziraphale for a moment in the mirror.He didn’t, of course, know Crowley, but he had heard enough tales over the years to get a good idea of the kind of person he was.

“The cologne I recommended didn’t work?” he asked.

Aziraphale blinked.“Work?Whatever do you mean?”

Noah grinned slightly.“That cologne has a bit of a reputation, I suppose,” he said as he ran a comb through Aziraphale’s curls.“Of a more... amorous sort.My husband loves it, at least, and I thought your Crowley might too.”

Aziraphale sighed.“He didn’t say anything,” he said quietly.“Of course, the world went a little topsy-turvy for a bit, don’t blame him at all, it’s just…”He pressed his lips together.“I’m being oversensitive.It’s just that, I’d hoped things might change.Between us.But I’ve hardly seen hide nor hair of him, he’s always out driving in his silly car, and it’s _quite_ ridiculous for me to be upset about it, of course he’s allowed his own life and his own hobbies, but—"

Noah hummed again, thoughtful.“If you don’t mind my saying, Mr. Fell,” he started, grabbing a pair of clippers and starting in on Aziraphale’s hair.“It sounds like you might be a little jealous.”

Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up.“Jealous?” he repeated incredulously.“Of what?”

Noah shrugged slightly.“That he seems to have more time for his car than for you?” he suggested.

Aziraphale made an indignant sound.“I’m not jealous of Crowley’s _car_,” he said firmly.“That’s ridiculous.It’s just that he spends so much time out driving, so much that he never has time for lunch with me anymore, and he defends it like a dedicated guard dog, and he lavishes it with affection like I’ve never seen him treat _anyone_— oh, good lord, I’m jealous of Crowley’s car.”

Noah chuckled.“The first step is recognizing you have a problem,” he said.

Aziraphale blushed hot and covered his eyes.“Oh, this is dreadful,” he groaned.

Noah patted his shoulder and then gently tugged off the barber’s cape.“You’re all done, Mr. Fell,” he said.

“Thank you, my dear boy,” Aziraphale replied absently, still reeling just a bit.It was absurd, stupid, foolish, but _oh_, he was jealous.And he had been so needlessly snappish to Crowley, the one being he cared for most in the world, just because he was a bit put out they couldn't meet more often for lunch—

Aziraphale paid quickly and left, hurrying back to his bookshop.His telephone was ringing just as he walked in the door, and he managed to just catch it, answering with an out of breath, “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Crowley said without preamble on the other end.“Listen, can I come over?”

Aziraphale glanced at the clock on his desk, bit his lip. It was a bit early, but maybe he could convince Crowley to come out to dinner with him if he apologized profusely enough.“Of course, my dear,” he replied.

“Right,” Crowley said.“See you then.”He hung up, and Aziraphale stared down at the phone in his hand for just a moment, his lips pursed.He sighed softly.

Aziraphale was puttering around in his back room, trying not to fret and mentally composing his apology for being a prat earlier, when Crowley burst in the front door.“Aziraphale?” he called, the heels of his snakeskin shoes clicking on the floor as he walked through the bookshop.

“Back here,” Aziraphale replied, and stepped out to greet Crowley.The demon had already taken his sunglasses off and tucked them into the neck of his shirt, and he was carrying a plastic bag in one hand and a bottle in the other.

“What’s that?” Aziraphale asked with a small frown.

Crowley made a sound in the back of his throat and brushed past Aziraphale, setting the bag on the back room’s table.“Sake, and sushi from that one place you like,” he mumbled, and then ran his fingers through his hair before turning to face Aziraphale again.

Aziraphale blinked in surprise.“Oh!Oh, thank you,” he said, and clasped his hands together to give them something to do.“Um, why?”

Crowley wrinkled his nose.“You seemed a bit… miffed at me.Earlier.Listen, angel, I don’t know what it was I did, but I’m sorry.OK?”He spread his hands pleadingly, his golden eyes wide and earnest.

Aziraphale’s heart panged even as his stomach sank with shame.It was _his_ fault that Crowley felt the need to apologize for doing basically nothing.And what kind of friend did that make him, if Crowley automatically assumed he was the guilty party?“Oh, Crowley,” he sighed, stepping forward.He reached out and took both of Crowley’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together, which Crowley surprisingly let him get away with.“My dear, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Aziraphale said seriously.“I’m the one who’s being silly.”

Crowley didn't blink, just gazed at him questioningly.

Aziraphale forged on, determined to get his apology out before he lost his nerve.“I was a bit jealous, honestly, in the most ridiculous way.It became obvious when my barber pointed it out, but I’ve been just a bit jealous of… of your car.Just, that you’re out so often, and sometimes I wish you would look at _me_ the way you look at it, and.And, yes.”He trailed off, his cheeks hot again.

Crowley stared at him.“You were jealous of my car,” he repeated.

Aziraphale was certain he had never been more embarrassed.“Just a bit,” he whispered.“Like I said, ridiculous.And I know I have no claim on your time, I just.Yes.”

Crowley pressed his lips together, and Aziraphale could tell he was holding back laughter.“It’s not funny!” he said crossly.“I’ve been the worst kind of person!”Crowley raised a wordless eyebrow, and Aziraphale sighed.“Fine.It’s just a little bit funny.”

A small snort slipped out from between Crowley’s lips, but he got himself under control with surprising restraint.“Aziraphale,” he said, swiping his thumb over the back of Aziraphale’s hand.“Angel, I would love nothing more than for you to have some claim over my time.”He smiled, and it was softer than his normal smile.Less sharp, more vulnerable.“I would love nothing more than for you to have claim over _me.”_

“Crowley,” Aziraphale breathed, inching a little closer.His and Crowley’s fingers remained intertwined, held between their chests.

“Do you want to know why I’ve been out driving on the south coast so much?” Crowley murmured.

Aziraphale hesitated.“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want—"

“I’ve been looking at real estate,” Crowley interrupted.“Cottages.In the South Downs, mostly, but a few other places along the coast.Found a few I’ve liked.I’ve been thinking, lately, after all the hullabaloo with the apocalypse, that it might be nice to get out of the city for a little while.Be nice to relax, not worry for a bit about the eternal struggle between Good and Evil.And all that.”He was blushing, the tips of his ears red.“One of the places I found has a nice garden I could whip into shape, and quite a big library, and it’s a few minute’s walk from a little restaurant with some nice crepes, and—"

“Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered. “Are you asking me to move to a cottage in the South Downs with you?”

Crowley shrugged, shuffling his feet, but when he made eye contact there was hope in his expression.“Yes?If you’d like?Might as well, right?”

Aziraphale let go of one of Crowley’s hands, grabbed him by his ridiculous skinny tie, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Crowley yelped with surprise against his lips and then leaned into it, wrapping one arm around Aziraphale’s waist to pull him closer.

They were both panting a bit when they parted, and Aziraphale rested his forehead against Crowley’s.“I would _love_ to move to a cottage in the South Downs with you,” he said softly, gazing into his demon’s eyes.“That sounds delightful_._When do we leave?”

Crowley smiled slightly.“Whenever you’d like, angel.”He grinned mischievously.“I think you’d really enjoy the drive, if you can get over your seething envy,” he teased.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes affectionately, and shut him up with another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I'm [here](https://asideofourown.tumblr.com/) if that's something you're into.


End file.
